Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
