Kiss
Puke
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize