you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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