my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
