my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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