he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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