32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
