No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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