Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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