why didn't you poke me back
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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