Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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