My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
