In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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