Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
