listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
