So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
