One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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