Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
