her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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