omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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