my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
