i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize