What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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