I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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