Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
