Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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