made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
