you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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