How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
