Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
