He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
