I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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