I love black thongs
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
