If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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