my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
