I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
