Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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