going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
