Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
