you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
