I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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