please come you make the beer taste better
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
