so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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