i just had sex bonerless
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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