he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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