My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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