I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
