my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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