I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just blew my weed a kiss
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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