dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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