so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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