Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
