Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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