Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
