a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize