is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
