I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
