She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
