when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize