Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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