make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
