buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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