Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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