I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
