he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
