He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
