Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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