Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
